Just Busy or Busy Growing?

Every year, the world and everyone in it seems like they're getting busier. The expectations for getting things done is at an all time high, as are the demands for our attention. We need to make time for work, family, friends, social media, relaxation, wellness, and professional/personal growth. And you need to find time to eat, sleep, exercise, brush your teeth twice a day, and maybe spend five minutes with your feet up.

A lot of times, this feels like a never ending cycle of "get it done" without any sense of a reward or what the reward should even be.

When I'm busy, it's easy for me to lose sight of the bigger picture plan of my life - living in a way where I can continue to grow my mind and my happiness. The last two years have really challenged these goals. My world shrank to five rooms and my weekly schedule became an unending cycle of wake up, work, treadmill, try to relax, and then to bed to essentially press "repeat" on the day before. My anxiety exploded and some long-held systems of belief collapsed into a black hole, I lost some old relationships to the strain of physical and intellectual distance. I also lost my drive when it came to making sure I was always pushing myself and growing.

Honestly, I put myself in a rut that I'm still trying to find my way out of.

But the rut is starting to make itself useful. As I've started to push against the cocoon I created for myself, I've discovered new strength, resiliency, and emotional depth. I've learned to validate myself in new ways. I've shared a vulnerability that I've kept buried with friends and coworkers. I've learned that I have strength and judgment. I have confidence in my experience and abilities.

You may ask where this growth will lead. I don't know yet and I'm okay with that. I have confidence in my capacity to use what I've learned about myself to get back on the path I want to be on, whatever that looks like.